I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
