He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
