Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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