Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I got her a Nickelback box set.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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