I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
