Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
