you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
