if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I didn't shave. On purpose
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
