How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
