i just had sex bonerless
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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