She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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