I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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