You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
