nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
