now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
