So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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