So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
