tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
