Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
