so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This is my gift to your gina
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
