I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
