I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
