the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
