kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
