The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
