In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
