some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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