just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
