is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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