were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
