Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
