i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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