I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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