Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
