she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Less talking, more tequila
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We need a shit load of segways right now
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
