I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize
