I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
