Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
