Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Someone shattered a urinal.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
