Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
