you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
