I wish I could teleport
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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