Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
