i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
