This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
