I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
