Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
