if you like me you must not know who I am
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
