We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
