it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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