You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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